Baseball is supposed to be a fun time filled with good cold brews, fresh air, and the view of a beautiful stadium and excited crowd to make you remember why you love baseball so much.
And then the awfulness of the ballpark sets in and it makes you feel like you could be doing anything else but sitting there watching that game. Sometimes baseball stadiums aren’t what you hoped they would be. With the reconstruction and new stadiums popping up all the time stadiums such as the Vet, Shea, and the Hefty Dome in the hell on earth that is Minnesota are exempt because they got smart and got great new stadiums.
Other stadium make you want to throw yourself off the upper deck for a variety of reasons so let’s examine the 5 Worst Stadiums in Baseball.
5. Minute Maid Park(Houston Astros) – This gets a nod and reaches into the pantheon of current stadiums for 2 reasons:
1. It looks gloomy like the kind of stadium where people go on blind dates where they don’t have to see one another.
2. The hill in center field. I’m not sure what complete idiot decided to put a hill in center field but the first time someone tears there ACL we’ll have that douche bag to thank.
4. Wrigley Field(Chicago Cubs) – Let the hate mail begin but since when is this a fun place to watch a game. You’re on top of each other to the point where you might need a blood test after the game. If you’re a guy you have to pee in a trough like caged animal which is only fitting because you sweat like pig in that cramped stadium. The tickets are over priced and their fan base is mostly a bunch of mindless douche bags. The field itself is legendary but you don’t get to play on it. And it was cozy in the 1930’s when it was built but now it is the reason why the Cubs suck and it’s only being used as a reason to destroy local businesses around Wrigley, but it really comes down to the crapiness of the ball park.
3. Sun Life Stadium(Florida Marlins) – Maybe there are a few things that are depressing about this eye sore: it’s cavernous for one. It’s also not meant to have baseball played there. This is what is wrong with the Florida Marlins. People don’t care about baseball there. You can’t buy into it. It’s like if your uncle was born with a goyeter on his neck. Sure you’d tell him he was just as handsome as ever but you’d be lying because that goyeter is scaring children. Half of the residents are spending their summers on South Beach getting felt up by the cast of The Jersey Shore. So then the 5000 rejects end up at Sun Life to watch the Marlins chew payroll. When you are hear all you can think about is the Dolphins. That’s a problem.
2. Rogers Centre(Toronto Blue Jays) – Much like a wooden leg on a hooker, that which was once an attractive novelty is now nothing more than an eyesore and a depressing reminder of what we used to like. Toronto used to like baseball and when they were good and baseball in Canada mattered the romance of the retractable dome and the hotel in center field. Now what was once romantic reminds us of remote controlled drapes and the soft jams of Air Supply. This stadium is sad and depressing.
1. Tropicana Field(Tampa Bay Rays) – Just like that guy in high school who had a name for his Johnson and referred to it in the third person, Tropicana Field also makes you feel sad and wanting to die. This field is so depressing. I thought of visiting it in person but I’d rather not. With all the old people that infiltrate the park I’m likely to start smelling like a combo of pee and goldfish snacks. No wonder the Rays haven’t won a World Series, who can win when the best thing about your stadium is the cat walk because you can jump from it. There is nothing more depressing than this field. If they ever blow it up I’ll be happen to push the button.