It’s Wednesday, and that means another top 5 list at The Dugout Doctors. We are well aware of the fact that the average MLB Player makes over $3.5 million a year and has everything they could ever need. But can you blame us for being in the spirit it of the holidays? Here’s this week’s list:
Top 5: Gifts for MLB Players
1. Vladamir Guerrero – After clearly getting lucky by hitting balls below your ankles and above your scalp for years, imagine how much better you’ll be with these eyeglasses.
2. Jose Batista – Here’s a drug test, Sosa Jr.
3. Raul Mondesi – For Christmas, I’d like to give you some whereabouts, because about 4 years ago I just assumed you vanished off the face of the earth.
4. Tim McCarver – Enjoy this muzzle, because God knows I will.
5. Pete Rose – Long overdue, and sure, it’s a homer gift, but you deserve this Hall Of Fame Induction.
1. Joe Blanton – Though he’s a pretty good pitcher, pitching along side Cliff Lee, Roy Halladay, Cole Hamels and Roy Oswalt has got to hurt a guy’s confidence. So we got him a “You’re #1” Foam Hand.
2. Justin Morneau – After missing much of the season’s second half due to a concussion, did anyone bother to recommend Advil?
3. Dayton Moore – A Braves Hat. Though he may be the Royals GM, his 40-man roster consists of eight former Braves. We know where his heart is.
4. David Eckstein – A booster seat so he can sit with his friends.
5. Pete Rose Jr. – He was recently hired as a minor league manager in the White Sox system. We got him a scooter named Pete Rose, so he can continue to get a free ride on his Dad’s name.
1. Brian Wilson – Hedge clippers because, seriously, gross. Just gross, Brian Wilson.
2. Zack Greinke – Good Will Hunting, so he can watch the scene where Robin Williams tells Matt Damon “it’s not your fault” over and over and over again. Zack: it’s not your fault the Royals never had something resembling baseball players around you during your time there. It’s not your fault….it’s not your fault……………it’s not your fault.
3. Jayson Werth – A stocking stuffed with fool’s gold, because the Washington Nationals just got punked too.
4. Albert Pujols – Honda Accord, recently rated the most reliable car of the decade!
5. Brian Cashman – The Ultimate Salesman: How to be the “Good Salesman” by R.D. Raak. How can you manage to bring nobody, no one, NOTHING, to NEW YORK? Have you heard that Jay-Z song? Been to New York? Speak English? Get it together, chief.
So those are our lists. Want to give us yours? Put together your own top five and post it in the comment section below. We’ll see you next week with another Top 5.