Tuesday 21st April 2015,
Balltribe

2013 NFL Mock Draft 2.5

admin April 23, 2013 NFL No Comments

Here at The Pigskin Doctors we love to have fun while doing our jobs. We also love to work with people to bring you the best news with a range of diverse ideas which gives you the best opinions out there. And we keep it funny. In collaboration with our guest writer, I made a mock draft with alternating picks to get a change of pace to the ton of mock drafts that constantly come out.

ODD SELECTIONS: Guest Writer Giancarlo Angulo

EVEN SELECTIONS: Head Editor Gino Bernasconi

Our selections were well thought out, and it even looks like we thought outside the box on a few of these picks. Our reasoning however, well… our reasoning might just be what makes it all make sense… or not…its certainly peculiar… you decide if its better. Best reasoning I have seen all year if you ask me.

Look at the my old mock draft here and the updated mock draft 2.0 here if you want to compare how things have changed.

1

Kansas City Chiefs

OT Luke Joeckel – Texas A&M

One can never go wrong with the tubbies up front and Joeckel is the leader of the 2013 tubby class. Most see him going first to KC to protect new Quarterback Alex Smith

2

Jacksonville Jaguars

DE/OLB Dion Jordan – Oregon

A tough fast black guy to play for a terrible, slow defense, sign him up!!

3

Oakland Raiders

DT Star Lotulelei – Utah

His name is star and it’s the Raiders drafting. If there’s one thing I know in football it is that drafting the person with the coolest name always works. Is there any doubt this guy will be anything less than a star? Well yes, but like I said, it’s the Raiders.

4

Eagles

OT Eric Fisher – Central Michigan

After Chip Kelly recovers from not obtaining his former player in Jordan, he will settle from protecting his star player. If Michael Vick is going to be running around everywhere like a wild dog like in Oregon’s system(did I just say that?), then Fisher needs to protect him.

5

Lions

DE Ezekiel Ansah – BYU

Continuing with the “pick the player with the coolest name” logic, it only makes sense for Detroit to pick Ziggy Ansah at fifth. Not to mention one doesn’t know when Ndamukong Suh (awesome name award) will finally blow his lid and try to bite someone’s ear off and get kicked out of football, so adding Defensive Linemen is always a good idea. Oh, and he’s a pretty good football player too.

6

Browns

CB Dee Milliner – Alabama

The Browns need to win, and Dee Milliner just won a National title in college, with just that, the Browns would now have 1 defensive championship caliber player, and they must love that. It might be the closest they get to a title of any kind.

7

Arizona Cardinals

OT Lane Johnson – Oklahoma

Arizona’s new Quarterback is roughly 347 years old and moves as though he is 693. They’re going to need someone to keep him from breaking his hip. The tubbies continue to dominate the 2013 NFL Draft.

8

Buffalo Bills

QB Geno Smith – West Virginia

Buffalos combined IQ massively dropped when Harvard alum Ryan Fitzpatrick was dumped, but somebody has to throw the ball and snap it. If getting a smart, slow, bearded, white player from a great Ivy League school didn’t work, I guess doing the exact opposite might do the trick

9

Jets

WR Tavon Austin – West Virginia

Mel Kiper called the Jets “the worst team on paper in the NFL.” Their team needs include ‘football.’ It may be a little early for Austin but they need Touchdowns and this is arguably the best playmaker in the draft. Plus, the Jets are the worst team on paper in the NFL.

10

Tennessee Titans

OG Jonathan Cooper – North Carolina

The Titans suck, we know that, their players however, don’t. Jonathan Cooper was one of the best guards while wearing the light blue and white for the UNC Tar Heels.. Sooo, maybe if he wears the same color jersey…..

11

Chargers

OG Chance Warmack -Alabama

San Diego Quarterback Phillip Rivers once threw the ball in the face of a nearby fallen Defensive Lineman. You’re not sure what that has to do with this pick? Me Either. The tubbies continue to flourish and maybe now Rivers will have less Defensive Linemen around to throw footballs at.

12

DE/OLB Barkevious Mingo – LSU

Finally Cameron Wake needs a buddy to get to the quarterback with him. I know he loves hitting quarterbacks alone but a little help would do. And at least Mingo seems like the kind of player you would still know 3 years after he was drafted unlike the players the Dolphins usually get

13

Jets

DT Sharrif Floyd – Florida

Thanks to Darrelle Revis the Jets have two selections in the first half of the first round, which would mean a great deal to a team that had some kind of competent football players. Sharrif Floyd is a great defensive tubby and he has a beard. If I’ve learned one thing from life it is that beards tend to succeed. If he shaves it we may have to make some sort of revisions.

14

Carolina Panthers

DT Sheldon Richardson – Missouri

The Panthers biggest player might be Cam Newton. I mean we all have parents that call linemen “the fat people in the front” yet the Panthers don’t got no fatty. Richardson needs to be that 300 pound player that takes forever to run into the field.

15

New Orleans Saints

S Kenny Vaccaro – Texas

The Saints defense could have starred in an Air Bud football remake and that loveable golden retriever would have gone for roughly 600 yards and won MVD (most valuable dog — I know, shut up). Needless to say, their defense is awful. Taking the best Safety in the draft would probably be a good idea.

16

St. Louis Rams

WR Cordarelle Patterson – Tennessee

If Air Bud would have gotten 600 yards against the Saints defense, he would’ve been playing for the Rams, at least that’s the kind of level the rams have at the WR position now. Bradford might as well throw it to a cornerback if the Rams don’t take him

17

Pittsburgh

OLB Jarvis Jones – Georgia

His initials are JJ. The initials of Jimmy Johns is JJ. Jimmy Johns brings fast sandwiches. By the transitive property Jarvis Jones must then bring fast wins, right? Whatever, now I’m hungry.

18

Dallas Cowboys

DT Sylvester Williams – North Carolina

The stage in New York will have to be reinforced after having so many tubbies go up and shake the commissioners hand. The Cowboys will need help pressuring RG3 and Vick in their division, Williams is available, so why not

19

Giants

TE Tyler Eifert – Notre Dame

He’s comfortably the best Tight End in this years draft and adds yet another great offensive weapon, along with Hakeem Nicks and Victor Cruz, for Eli Manning to target on his phenomenal interceptions.

20

Chicago Bears

ILB Manti Te’o- Notre Dame

With an inevitable injury to Jay Cutler and Matt Forte, Te’o should be able to keep some media attention on the Bears. He lost a step after his whole girlfriend debacle but he should get back up, I mean, if invisible girlfriends mean so much to him, imagine what a real one would do

21

Cincinnati Bengals

OLB Alec Ogletree – Georgia

I’m not quite sure what an Ogle is but I certainly know what a Tree is and those things are big so maybe this kid will be huge! No, but really, the Bengals could use a linebacker so… there ya go.

22

Rams

S Eric Reid – LSU

If training camp starts right now, Bradford would feel like an MVP candidate. Sure he has nobody to throw it too, but there is also nobody to stop his throws. Eric Reid can at least pretend he’s playing good defense against Bradford, maybe then the Rams come back to reality.

23

Vikings

CB Xavier Rhodes – Florida State

A very very smart man named Barney Stinson on a certain television show once said, “new is always better.” This might be the case in Minnesota as the ancient artifact we refer to as Antoine Winfield has left for Seattle ushering in a new cornerback with an X in his name. Awesome.

24

Indianapolis Colts

OT D.J. Fluker – Alabama

Fluker is a double edge sword. Great big man to protect your quarterback, however, if Fluker happens to have all 340 pounds of fat fall on the quarterback he is trying to protect, he might just make Andrew run out of Luck.

25

Vikings

WR Keenan Allen – California

Approximately 143% of Ponder’s passes were to Percy Harvin last season (don’t quote me on that) who is now in Seattle. I’m thinking they might throw for a total of 12 yards this season but someone has to catch that one 12 yard pass, right?

26

Packers

SS Jonathan Cyprien – Florida International

Cyprien might come from a small school, but he makes big plays. And he hits people really really hard which definitely helps the Packers and their defense. Cyprien does allow receivers by him a lot of times, but really, its not like the Packers aren’t use to doing that in defense already.

27

Texans

WR Deandre Hopkins – Clemson

You’re going to ask, “why not a tubby?!” and I’m going to say, “I will pay five dollars to anyone who can name me the second wide receiver in Houston right now.” They even lost a Kevin Walter, whatever that is.

28

Broncos

CB DJ Hayden – Houston

I look at Peyton, Welker, Eric Decker, Miller, Champ Bailey, and I see players that are all business. This guys need to let loose, party and have a good time, signing a DJ is a good move … what? Thats not how it works??… oh…

29

NE Patriots

DE Bjorn Werner – Florida State

Bah-jorn? Be-yorn? Bah-yorn? Whatever, that guy from Florida State.

30

Falcons

CB Desmond Trufant – Washington

With Older brother Marcus Trufant and Isaiah already in the NFL, Trufant has a good chance to be relevant. The only problem is the oldest brother Marcus is pretty good. The middle brother Isaiah is alright… which means Desmond Trufant will be …. gulp

31

49ers

DT Jesse Williams – Alabama

He’s 6’3, 323 pounds and rotoworld describes him as a “zero technique” nose tackle. Uhm, can anyone else say Pro Bowler? No? Oh

32

Baltimore Ravens

ILB Kevin Minter – LSU

Well the Ravens need a replacement for Ray Lewis. Kevin Minter has … and he can also do….. and …. Damn Ray Lewis was good…Somebody has to step in I guess.




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